The morning of April 3rd I awoke after a very short sleep still reeling from my date the night before. I had a race to run and had so much on my mind.....the race, school.....and of course, Grandma. I knew after the race we would all go over to see her.
By this point Grandma was not able to talk to us anymore, but her quiet sounds still gave us comfort that she knew we were there and that she still understood what we were saying to her.
For weeks we knew what loomed ahead of us, and we waited day in and day out with a heavy burden of loss ahead. On April 3rd, the day had come. We visited Grandma in the morning and headed home for a quiet dinner. It was an odd weekend as I had typically been coming home Friday nights from school only to leave Sunday morning.....but this weekend I had two extra days. It was that evening as we all prepared for bed that the phone rang. Each of us knowing what that phone call meant.
Having someone at home to pass away is bitter sweet. There is a peacefulness that only can happen in one's home. No sounds of a bustling hospital or nurses passing by. Familiar surroundings in the home however, now tainted with the memory of that one last moment.
It has been 3 years and I don't think a day goes by that thoughts of Grandma or stories of her are in my mind or told to Chris as he was not able to meet her.
It is hard to put an emotion into words. Losing your Grandma is one thing while watching your own Mother mourn the loss of her Mother is one of those emotions that words just won't describe.
Each and every day she is missed and thought of and she has left each of us with a small legacy to carry on.......for me, when Mom sends Easter, St. Patrick's Day, Valentine's Day cards or treats I quickly flash back to being younger and awaiting a knock at the door early in the morning where Grandma would be waiting with a little goody for us......and I cannot even imagine a sewing project without thinking back to Grandma sitting patiently as I learned to use her machine.
I am closing with the chorus of a song by Tim McGraw that I found helpful in dealing her loss
We carry on
When our lives come undone
We carry on
Cause there's promise in the morning sun
We carry on
As the dark surrenders to the dawn
We were born to overcome
1 comment:
It is always hard when you lose anyone that's close to you. I remember the day so well when my grandfather passed away in 99. Almost 10 years ago and I can still remember his laugh, his scent, everything. Funny how it sticks with us, but I truly feel it's a blessing too!
The most wonderful thing happened a week or two before my other grandfather passed away. I brought Jason to meet him in April before our wedding. My Grandfather was really out of it. Didn't really remember anyone except Mom and me, tried to remember my Dad and brother. He went to bed, and Corey and I went to say our *final* goodbyes just in case. And my grandfather told me that he really liked *my friend* and wished us all the love the world has to offer. He could barely remember and yet, he gave me that wonderful blessing.
Hugs sweetness. You are an amazing and beautiful person, inside and out. Your family and Chris are so fortunate to have you!
All my love!
Lindsay
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