Inspiration

I've been quiet from my blogging lately. I think I am "un-inspired".....maybe that is why I have not been blogging.

At any rate, I had the pleasure of meeting a man last week who is 52 years old and an alcoholic. The man drinks 1-1.5 pints of Bourbon and about a 6 pack of beer per day. His alcoholism is so bad that it has progressively attacked his cerebellum and he has "drunk walk" and "drunk talk" at all times. He continues to drink despite neurologists telling him that his condition is alcohol induced. He was even a few drinks in when I saw him. He and his wife came in two weeks ago. You could see the fatigue, the worry on her face. He himself had matte colored skin, dry....dark eyes, his face heavy with burden. She herself is in AA and trying to "stay straight" from drinking. 7 nights per week she has to leave her husband at home alone so she can attend meetings. She worries the entire time and has constant concern if she will find him in a puddle of blood having fallen. This man was in a wheelchair and to watch him stand and try to test his balance was a joke. He was all over the place. I spent more time talking about options for a raised toilet seat, shower bench and other equipment needs than talking PT. I made mention to him that I had other patients like him, who improved when they were not drinking. I felt like I was on "Intervention" on A&E.

Today he returned.

He WALKED in, albeit with a walker.....and looked like a whole new man. He made eye contact with me, he smiled, he had a sparkle in his eyes. He sat in my treatment room and confessed "I haven't had a drink in 9 days. You were my inspiration".

I felt amazing, but a heaviness too. I did my best during treatment to "keep it together" but found myself needing a 'time-out' after they left. I hope he continues.....but I felt so cautious in how I spoke, what I said in hopes that nothing I said or did would take away his feeling that I was his inspiration.

Somewhere in my mind I have to come to terms with the idea that some of my patients may use me in this way, as inspiration. It's entirely terrifying and heavy.....but incredibly rewarding as well.....

Maybe this will help me to find my inspiration and become re-inspired myself.