Round Here

"Step out the door just like a ghost into a fog, where no one notices the contrast of white on white. And in between the moon and you the angels get a better view of the crumbling difference from wrong and right. I walk in the air between the rain and through myself and back again. Where? I don't know"

I couldn't shake the music and lyric of Counting Crows, "Round Here" this weekend. I made a promise to myself that I would not run until I could make it through a day of work without pain. I would not run until I could get dressed in the morning without needing a counter top to hold myself up. Those days came last week. For the first time in over 5 weeks I got home and did not melt into the couch in sadness after a long day of work and a variety of pains.

As the days passed and I walked out of the gym, again without pain...I decided this would be the weekend for me to go 'through myself and back again'.

Saturday morning I woke up listening. I had fallen asleep Friday night....listening. I was listening so intently to my body, hanging onto every word she would share. I carefully went through the routine so known to me.

Running clothes, my favorite running socks, ponytail, cherished running shoes. I dusted off my Garmin and explained to her why I had not seen her in so long. Bella listened carefully as I spoke to her out loud, "I'm going to try to run today. I am going to listen. I am going to be slow and disciplined, I am not going to be gone more than 10 minutes, I promise to only go 1 mile".

With that I locked the door and 'stepped the door just like a ghost into a fog....'

My heart rate was up already in anticipation, fear, excitement.

With the familiar chirp and press of the start button my Garmin began to do her job and carefully traced my steps.

I made it to the mailbox. Then came the last house on the street. Then there is the intersection. The stoplight. The blasted light pole that I could NOT get passed for weeks as pain screamed at me. This time. I heard nothing. My legs felt amazingly fresh and full of energy. I had made a promise to myself, to run only one mile. I stuck to it and as much as I loved every second.....I kept waiting.

I kept anticipating the sound, the feeling, of my body telilng me no.

Pain must have slept in that day, I never did see her on this run.

I finished one mile in 8 minutes 41 seconds on June 19th.

Such a simple thing, but what joy it brought to my day. I told no one. I waited patiently for Chris to get home and left my Garmin on the counter top, as a subtle hint. He spotted it....

Chris: "Um"

Erin: "Yup"

Chris: "You ran?"

Erin: -now grinning ear to ear- "Uh-huh, a whole mile!"

Chris: "You really didn't think I couldn't tell just by the look on your face this morning? I knew the minute I saw you....You're back"