Will he know how much I loved him?
Truthfully, I think the answer is yes.
I did always tell him, whenever we said goodbye.
It's just what we did.
Today I have yet to cry.
I have gotten choked up.
I have avoided telling anyone.
It seems that might be the route I go for now.
It's protection I think.
I also think it's best to just go day by day.
Thinking too far ahead seems to make me very anxious.
I wonder what the new me will be like.
I know I will never be the same.
I wonder if the person I was is why this happened?
I wonder if I could have changed the schedule somehow and this would not have happened?
I know I cannot change anything.
I think the hardest part will be sweet Harlow.
I desperately want her to remember,
But I don't want her to hurt.
Yesterday I made a picture book of photos of Harlow with her Poppa
and her Poppa with all of us
I want her to be able to feel the love.
I know it is going to be very hard to look at for me,
But she has to know him.
She has to know how much he loved her and how much she loved him
3 comments:
Hi,
I found your blog via Jen's and was hoping you could please email me privately and let me know what your situation is. I can totally relate to loss, my sister died of cancer 8 months after her diagnosis. That was 4 1/2 years ago. It still is sometimes more than I can face.
My email is cameo_norm@comcast.net
Thanks and I'm so sorry for your loss.
Cameo
I hear you Erin. Right after the accident, I would downward spiral the night away and out of survival began to truly take it moment by moment - not even day by day. I used to be a control freak planner, and now I truly live in the moment. Like you said - anything beyond would cause anxiety.
Within just this past month I finally began to plan into the upcoming week. That was a huge step for me personally.
You are so right in saying we will never be the same. It's like a gauntlet drops and severs the person we previously were. I feel there are definitely pieces of who I was before, but I am so very different. I view the entire world as if I have a whole new set of eyes. As I've said though many times on my blog, I would never want to be the person I was before...but gosh do I wish I could have Aviana too. I guess that's too good to be true...
Harlow...it's like grief atop grief, isn't it? The layers - they can be without end.
Do you have Kaiser for medical ; ) In my opinion, Maggy Rowell is the absolute BEST!!
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