One night a day

If you close your eyes, the silence can be louder than any noise you ever hear.

I think I realized what the tingling was yesterday.  Whenever I look at a picture of Dad or have to actually say what happened, I feel the buzz.  I guess that is stress.  Or maybe it is the sadness.

Mom made a comment yesterday that hit the nail on the head,
We are all just so sad.

I realize now there is no normal anymore.  It seems everywhere I turn everyone else is going on, living their normal lives, doing normal things.  What is normal?  It almost feels wrong doing normal things.  I can't put my finger on why, it's not like I am not thinking about it when I am acting normal.....my thoughts seem to be incapable of thinking anything but.

I think our brain has a way of blocking us from what we cannot handle.
I think that is why I, for now, cannot look at pictures.
I try not to say it out loud.

I remember Dad teaching me how to swim in the ocean.

Right when the wave is coming and it's just about to crest....
close your eyes.....
jump in to the base of the wave.....
come out on the other side and watch the wave hit the beach

Am I the beach?  Am I the wave?

Mostly, I am just in the water.  Bobbing up and down, watching everything around me.
Trying to feel what he instilled in me, believing in myself and knowing that I can do this.