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Wednesday, December 31, 2014


The thoughts seem to swirl around in my head.


As I think back to NYE 2013 and the beginning of 2014, I mostly thought about running.
I had been chosen for the Miwok 100k lottery and I finally entered my name to run the American River 50.
I had a strong training plan, I felt confident, scared, but sure that I could accomplish what I put my mind to. This would be MY year of running the races that, for many reasons, I didn't have the courage to before.

I also had visions of our family trip to Maui.
We would surprise Dad with paddle board lessons for his birthday.
We would swim in the ocean.
We would show Harlow the beauty of Maui.
We would spend 10 fabulous days a family.
Making memories, telling stories, smiling, dancing... 
I came home from Maui ready to tackle my runs.

I spent time during AR50 with Dad, Chris, with my running friend Larry
I finished 50 miles one day shy of my 34th birthday, holding hands with my baby girl....
smiling ear to ear, hurting head to toe
FULL of pride

I went into Miwok injured.
I started the trek up the mountain
Fell twice
Asked Chris to tape my knee at mile 13
Endured the cutoffs, barely making each one
Until I didn't at mile 58
They told me I could finish, but it would not be official
I pressed on with Chris by my side
Walked down the Dipsea steps backwards as my legs were ruined
The sweepers behind me I couldn't make eye contact I was embarrassed, defeated

Mom, Dad and Harlow sat at the base of the last hill.
Seeing them there....my heart swelled, eyes filled up with tears
Sad that I made them wait and worry
But oh so happy to be DONE

The months pressed on

No running for a while
Swim lessons
Mother's Day
Father's Day
Dad's weekly visits to watch Harlow

July 18th Dad stayed late and had dinner with Harlow and I
We said goodbye, stood in the driveway and waved.....

July 21st was just another Monday,
Until it wasn't.


Life would never be the same
How could this be?
The days and weeks and months still pass
We hold on...
For the ups and downs
Laugh and then cry
Smile and then sigh

As we prepare to end this chapter, titled 2014
I reflect
I miss the life we started the year with
I miss him 
If I have learned anything this year....it is... Live.
If you want to do it.
Do it.

As my Dad would say, life is for the living, so go out and live.

So 2015.... I have plans for you..... Let's start the next chapter


Jen said...

Thank you for sharing this beautiful, yet heartbreaking, yet beautiful post.

Live! Yes...live! Your Dad was so very right! And, as I'm sure he always was - would be *is* so proud of you : )

Love you my darling...


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